Today

Today has been a pretty emotional day for me. In fact its been an emotional week.
For quite some time now I have been wondering what to make of all the trials that are thrown at me.

I'm learning... still learning. I'm trying to figure out what Heavenly Father wants me to do and become.

Today is a day to recover. Today is a day to cry, laugh, read things that inspire, ponder, think, not think, dream, enjoy warm tomato juice, elbow macaroni, with freshly grated cheddar cheese.

Caleb is at work today and we got all of our weekend chores done yesterday, so I don't feel too bad.

I love going through people's quotes on pinterest when I need some pick-me-ups.  I found this quote and it describes perfectly how I feel about my trials and Caleb's love. 

 

This boy knows just what to say to calm me down and help me when I feel like I've been emotionally punched in the stomach. 

The last few years have given me a deeper understanding of how our Savior and Heavenly Father feel when we openly rebel and turn from them. When I see those I love choose paths that are harmful to their sweet spirits, my heart aches. I'm reminded of Mosiah and Alma as they, and their dear companions, mourned and earnestly prayed that their sons would repent and change. (Mosiah 27:14)

I don't know if I am one of little faith or what, but I don't see a Heavenly messenger appearing to my loved ones any time soon. 

I am consistently caught between staying sane and helping and reaching out to them. Finding this balance is more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

This morning as a spoke with Caleb he reminded me, "everything is going to be okay."

While sitting in my room alone I thought, "Is it really? How does he know that?"

Then the thought came that I know he is right and I know it because God keeps his promises. 

What promises? 

Doctrine and Covenants 14:7 "And if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."

3 Nephi 12:3 "Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

I found these promised by just randomly opening the scriptures. I would challenge you to find MANY many more

Whenever I feel the way I do today and I just need to be reminded of the Love of God I turn to my FAVORITE chapter of scripture.

3 Nephi 17. In this scripture Christ is visiting the Americas following his death and resurrection. I cannot read these verses without feeling overcome with gratitude for His love. 

 7 Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy.

 8 For I perceive that ye desire that I should show unto you what I have done unto your brethren at Jerusalem, for I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you.

 9 And it came to pass that when he had thus spoken, all the multitude, with one accord, did go forth with their sick and their afflicted, and their lame, and with their blind, and with their dumb, and with all them that were afflicted in any manner; and he did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him.

 10 And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears.

 11 And it came to pass that he commanded that their little children should be brought.

 12 So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him, and Jesus stood in the midst; and the multitude gave way till they had all been brought unto him.

 13 And it came to pass that when they had all been brought, and Jesus stood in the midst, he commanded the multitude that they should kneel down upon the ground.

 14 And it came to pass that when they had knelt upon the ground, Jesus groaned within himself, and said: Father, I am troubled because of the wickedness of the people of the house of Israel.

Verse 14 is how I am feeling today. I feel like I've been knocked over again, but I am so grateful that Christ understands my pain. He loves me and wants me to be happy.

I am so so happy. My life is so good because of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. He is the reason I can change. The reason I can rejoice. The reason my life is full of peace and direction. 

Today I am going to take some time to get through this. From the words of a beloved apostle "Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions." (from President Uchtdorf's talk Of Things That Matter Most http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng&query=slow+down)

"Scriptures that are falling apart usually belong to someone who isn't"