Always catching up

If anyone has any tips on keeping up on blogging, lemme know! Lately life has been so crazy between school, work, my calling, and preparing to be a mom. I wish to find some random checklist of realistic things I should start doing to prepare.

Some recent highlights
- I've sort of had it for a while, but I didn't officially apply for it till this semester. I'm finally getting my associates of health science. Kind of funny cause I'll get my bachelors of Athletic Therapy in December. Getting two degrees in one year sounds impressive till you realize I've gone to school for five years in the fall. Oh well. I've done my best.
- Caleb and I found out were for sure having a boy. :) holy moly I'm so excited. I can't wait to hold him, see what he looks like, and just have a little one around. I  pretty much haven't gone a week, in I don't know how long, without throwing up and I'm 22 weeks, but I don't care. I'm so grateful to be pregnant.

   

- we got a new couch. We thought we were being frugal buying a cheap futon couch..l bad idea. It was so uncomfortable we never wanted to sit on it so we never hung out in our living room.  Caleb and I decided we wanted a new one by the time we had out little boy. We got a killer deal on this one because there's a small tear in the leather. We bought a leather repair kit for $8, the real leather couch for $150 and we love it! :) 

- my tummy is growing. The first picture I'm 17 weeks, second 22 weeks, and third 6 weeks. :) 

Back from a long break

Holy Moly did I take a long hiatus or what? I haven't blogged since November... whoops.

The holidays were great and Caleb and I found out the best news I've ever received -- We're pregnant!

We found out on December 20, 2012. 

I would like to tell about our journey till this point. 

Fall of 2012 Caleb and I talked and we wanted to try to bring a  little one of our own into the world. We both had and still have school left and we were absolutely loving being newly weds so we weren't in a hurry. 

We figured we'd get pregnant within a few months and plan from there. 

 We discovered Caleb had Graves and Hashimotos so we thought that once that was under control things would sort out.

More time passed and Caleb and I started to talk about our concerns about not getting pregnant.

We kept hearing about different friends and family members who were pregnant and I seriously wondered what was wrong with us. We started researching and praying that everything would work out.

If any of you know my family you know that a lot of the girls in my family are insanely fertile.
I couldn't help but wonder. Why is it so hard for us and so easy for young teenage girls  or drug addicts who don't want to be moms? Am I really going to be one of those women who never know what it feels like to be pregnant and have a baby who looks like me and the man I love? 

Some of you reading this are going to have the same reaction that people did when I told them we had tried for that long.
I know I know. I'm young. We just got married less than two years ago. Many people take that long to get pregnant... I know.

I would have said thing to someone had I not experienced my own period of infertility. 

We told our families it had been about a year and I'm so grateful for their fasting and prayers to help us.
I know they were answered. 

I can't put into words how Caleb and I felt wondering if we'd ever get pregnant.

I feel like I tasted 1/100000000 of the pain women with infertility experience and let me tell you - It hurts. 

I always thought when I read articles and heard about infertile couples, "Oh if I'm like that I'll just adopt a cute black baby from africa or an ecuadorian and call it good."

 I wrote it off and thought that it can't be that bad. I think I thought the same thing about miscarriages and stillborns until I got older. I am so humbled by how unwise I was and how much life has taught me.

I know a lady who I think is beautiful, strong, so fun to be around, radiates happiness, and has an equally adorable husband. Seriously people, she's "that" woman who you want to be like in just about every way.
I love being around her and I think she has NO idea how much others idolize her.
She and her husband are infertile for the rest of this life... for sure. 

They will not get to experience in this life the sweetness of creating a child with God and each other. I have looked up to her since I met her as a teenager.

 I have wondered, "why would Heavenly Father not bless people like them?" I also wondered why such beautiful traits of human beings will not be passed down to further generations. 

When talking to this woman she said to me in essence, "We promised to multiply and replenish the Earth and He won't let me. I don't understand. While serving in young women's it was hard to see my teenage girls who were unprepared get pregnant while I longed to be."

 My heart ached for her. 

Her and her husband have a beautiful home and are faithful.Why them?

I don't know why they were chosen for this trial. Life is so bitter sometimes. I do know that when I was struggling with my worries about infertility she was my favorite person to talk to. She is the best listener. She is kind. She doesn't judge you or your feelings. She doesn't try to answer your questions. I found myself telling her things I had only told my husband. I felt peace talking to her. I also saw how others felt around her. We all benefited from her spirit and goodness. I do know that her trial has made her even more gentle and feminine. 

I truly believe that she and others like her are the ones who will truly know how sweet the blessing of pregnancy is. I believe this trial has made her one of the greatest examples of Motherhood.  

I know Heavenly Father has a plan. 

One night I was home alone doing dishes and trying to wrap my head around us not getting pregnant. 

I thought about all the sacrifices I made to be where I am.
I thought about going to church and sitting by myself, studying the scriptures diligently on my own, making difficult and painful decisions because I wanted the best for my future children. I thought about how I strived to be temple worthy and promised God and myself that I would only marry in the Temple of the Lord.
I wanted to be the best mom that many things didn't even tempt me when I thought about my future family.

 I thought, "So this is my punishment for keeping the commandments."

Immediately I was humbled by a strong impression, "There are never punishments for keeping the commandments of God, only blessings!"

I quietly sat there and couldn't help but have tears come to my eyes as I thought of how ungrateful I was being. I was not trusting my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

The night we found out we were pregnant I couldn't help but be heart broken for all the people who would not receive that news in this life.  I wondered why we were relieved from that trial.

I am so grateful for this pregnancy and the opportunity to partner with God in creating a life. 

I hope that this story conveys my tender feelings towards this subject and my admiration for those who have the trial of infertility. They are my heros!

YW Leaders from Heaven

School is getting absolutely INSANE! Seriously I am being humbled. When I'm out of school for a break I think I forget how much I need others. I need God, first and foremost. I need my Hub and I most certainly need teachers and everyone else to help me succeed.

So I recently was called to YW. Heavenly Father is very good at reminding me that he knows JUST what I need. The lessons that  I desperately needed as a young women are just as necessary today. I'm loving my girls and I can't wait to see what this calling will bring. I saw this quote on pinterest today and thought I should do a blog post, because this quote hit some of my thoughts lately about being a YW leader. 

   Being called to YW I couldn't help but think back on the wonderful YW leaders I had. I know if you were in YW you probably are thinking, "No way, mine were the best." But, seriously.... I've grown older and still find that some of my Young Women leaders were and are of the best people I know.

Let me tell you why some of my young women leaders were the BEST.

1. Sure they did their job to teach me on Sunday and tell me that living right makes you happy... blah blah blah... BUT guess what? THEY LIVED IT. My young women leaders were and still are the happiest people I know. AND they were living the way they preached to us to live.
    I would jump into their vehicles when they would give me a ride, to find an uplifting CD playing. I would see their family videos when I tended their kids, and remember thinking, "Wow they really don't have those movies they teach us not to watch." They dressed beautiful and modest. No, they NEVER looked for an excuse to dress immodest. I would catch them talking about their personal lives to each other and knew that they actually lived what they taught us.

2. My young women leaders taught me about being a mom, and not while giving a lesson. Nope I can't quote lessons they gave me about having kids, but I can tell you how I saw them treat and talk about their kids. I knew they loved their kids with a love greater than I can express.
I saw things like: - holding their challenging child in a calming reassuring way while the child had a tantrum
                          - follow through with consequences they told the child they would give.
                          - Get up early and stay up late for them
                          - selflessly put themselves on the back burner. They always were thinking about their children and what they needed or wanted.
                          - Give up loftly careers and "social lives" to make sure they don't lose that critical 15 minutes when a child gets home from school when they talk the most (yep I learned that tidbit of info from a YW leader)        - consistently teach their children to pray. They knelt and whispered to them. They had no idea that they made me want to be a mom so bad.
                         - Go to bat for their kids. Yep I even saw mama bear come out of a few of em!
                      

3. Loved their children's father to eternity and back. These YW of mine honored their roles as mothers and wives. They all had different kinds of husbands but they found the good and doubted the bad. They saw their husbands how the Lord saw them. Being around them and their husbands was a HUGE reason why I was motivated to wait till I found the right one and to never settle. I saw what they had and knew that any amount of sacrifice would be worth a marriage like that. They motivated me to change for the better so that I could be the kind of wife they were. Their marriages were their safe havens. I knew it was possible.

4. None of them came from perfect families, but they did their best to move forward happy. I loved hearing them joke about their crazy families. It helped me feel more normal. I loved how good they were despite childhood experiences. They turned hard trials into stepping stones and they were grateful for the opportunity to grow.

5. They only saw the good in me. They always assumed I was good with good intentions. No they weren't always right, but after a while... I started believing I was as good as they thought I was.

6. They trusted me to make the best decisions for my life. When ever I was overcome with fear about the future or some decision, I never got any thing less than 100% confidence. I would tell them I didn't know what to do, they'd say, "Yes you do." I'd tell them I was worried about not being a good mom. They'd say, "for that reason you'll be the best mom" or "Yes, you really will, I know it". I'd tell them I hoped that I never would get a divorce. They'd tell me I never will. They helped me learn Faith instead of fear. I can't thank them enough.

Right before I stepped into the sealing room on my wedding day I was overwhelmed with emotion (as you can imagine) I knew that several of my YW leaders were there. My heart swelled and I prayed to Heavenly Father that one day they might know the difference they made in my life.

My YW leaders weren't perfect (or so i'm told ha ha) but they did their best and they lived like they believed!  I am so grateful for them and hope that I can live like I believe.

My little sweeties

These little munchkins are getting sealed today to my sister Breann and her husband Josh. Josh was able to officially adopt them last Monday. This picture was taken from bre and Josh's sealing earlier this year. I love these two so so much. They always make me so happy. They are always so excited to see me. It makes my day. They do the cutest things all the time. I love that they always want to come to my house. I sure love little feet and giggles around...

Caleb and I have a wedding, rs session, and tons of homework this weekend. Happy Friday!

Conference is COMING

So General Conference is just around the corner. I cannot wait! I seriously think I get more excited for General Conference than for Christmas. Let me share why. Almost two hundred years ago, a boy named Joseph Smith went into a grove of trees to ask God which of all the churches were true. He received his answer. If you would like to read his story, click here https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/js-h/1?lang=eng
Joseph Smith was and is a Prophet of God. The gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored like in ancient times. The Heavens are open and God is speaking. Just like when Christ established His church when he came, he has established it again. There are prophets and apostles on the earth who are here to help us get back to our Father in Heaven.
    One Apostle, Elder Holland, said, “I have wondered if any have joined our conference hoping to find the answer to a deeply personal problem or to have some light cast on the most serious questions of their heart. … It is to those who so hunger that I wish to speak. … In spite of life’s tribulations and as fearful as some of our prospects are, I testify that there is help for the journey. There is the Bread of Eternal Life and the Well of Living Water. Christ has overcome the world—our world—and His gift to us is peace now and exaltation in the world to come. (See D&C 59:23.)”
     With Conference less than two weeks away, my challenge to each of you is to begin praying for the speakers and yourself. Pour out your heart to our Father in Heaven. I promise that your prayers WILL be answered during conference. I was challenged to do this several years ago and I have never been disappointed. The Lord here's and answers our prayers.

To stay updated on conference coming and to read talks afterwords feel free to follow this link: https://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng